Looking for Work

Last year, I had a hard time accepting the truth. Looking back through my notes I had a miserable time. My economic situation was dismal. I accumulated an unexpectedly large medical bill. My apartments needed some electrical work that rang up to $700. Then a tree fell on my roof. There was a major increase in property taxes and I can’t forget Uncle Sam coming after my life savings. I looked for work while on island and turned up nothing. Fortunately, I landed three jobs back in New York and worked June through September with little respite.

This year I’ve come back to Hawaii with all bills paid in full, again debt-free. I’m recharged to write, with the mission to finish the first draft of my book. Nevertheless, I pursue the classified looking at jobs, out of curiosity. You know, what if.

I’ve found some good ones this past month. I’m not serious, but if I was...

The Royal Kona Resort wanted a human resource professional. The work was temporary. Perfect. Of course every time there is an HR job on island, they want someone with hospitality and labor experience. It doesn’t sound like those two go hand in hand. I think union; I think steel.

Hawaii is one of the most unionized states with 23.4 percent of workers belonging to a union in 2007, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. Only New York and Alaska are more unionized. How did that happen? After all, in a major study of unions and the American workplace, Professor Barry Hirsch of Georgia State University (my old school) found that unionized companies suffered not only lower profits but lower investment in physical and intangible capital and slower growth. It makes perfect sense to throw in a union in the mix when your economy is dependent on tourism. Maybe my manufacturing background would not be a good fit. I’d expect too much out of labor, and management.

Looking elsewhere… It’s that time of the decade. The Census2010 needs enumerators, those door to door knockers who show up to ask you about Jesus. Oops, those are Jehovah Witnesses.

The other day I took the online sample test, because I was seeking mental stimulation after I got only three clues on Saturday's crossword. I needed some reaffirmation of my mental abilities. I aced the test and celebrated by dancing around the condo(not really).

Posting for Census2010 jobs are popping up on telephone poles, bulletin boards at the co-op, on the Hele-on buses. Maybe I could get a job posting these bulletins. I can use a staple gun. Training for enumerators is on Oahu. I’m not spending $200 to fly to Honolulu to take a test for a job. I’ve done that twice with the New York Racing Association to be security guard.

Now here is the perfect job. The Fair Wind has an opening for deck hands. Since 1971, Fair Wind has been the leader in snorkel cruises on the Big Island of Hawaii. I’ve been in two cruises. My last trip was a night manta dive. Awesome. The job requires a four day workweek, 10-12 hours/day. Ninety percent of the time is spend outside and most of it on a boat helping people with their fins and snorkels. Some boat cleaning and taking orders from the captain required. Hell, baby, have I got experience. This would be a blast, except for the small fact that I get sea sick in elevators. And I hate getting my hands wet.

The airport was looking for security guards. Did I ever tell you that I took the TSA exam and failed it? Makes you think twice about those people in the blue uniforms doesn’t it? I don’t think I failed, but they told me I did. There was some snafu the day of the exam. The tester didn’t show. I and another person waited 90 minutes for someone to administer the exam. This required a log-on within a certain time frame(Can you say, "Be on time?"). I think we got booted because we missed the twenty minute window. That’s my theory anyway.

I know I didn’t fail the math and English, but I did have some difficulty deciphering the scanned images. Everything looked like a bomb. Trust me, reading those scans is about as convoluted as interpreting a baby's ultrasound. A boy? That thing? Right, it's a bomb.

Finally, the West Hawaii Today wanted photographers and writers do to community interest stories. All I had to do was summit samples of my writing. I’m sticking to my book. I’ve reworked the outline and assembled my notes and random pieces I’ve written over the past year. Boy, it's no way to make a living.

RIP JD Salinger.

image from: http://www.changeairportsecurity.org/