War at Dawn

I don't know why I write this stuff.

An early morning gust howled like an urban coyote trapped inside a dumpster sending the empty sound through the bedroom window. The blast violently rattled the metal frame. Scouting parties had earlier reported back to the waiting soldiers using a sophisticated communication system of touch and pheromones. The transmitted messages went undetected by the enemy. The coast was clear and the invasion plan was a go. Cloaked in the darkness of the predawn sky that promised to capture the rising sun before it broke the horizon, the invaders slipped silently into position.

Dressed in protective armor the invaders route tunneled through a labyrinth of wood, concrete, plasterboard and construction debris before they emerged to cluster around the electrical outlet. Once given the signal to proceed, the mass swarmed through the entry way and assembled on the sill. Others staked out higher posts on the wall near the opened window. Another gust played the Venetian blind like a harmonica, and when the last stale note slipped away, the window dressing crashed against the glass. Undeterred by the foul weather, the invasion continued ahead of the coming rain.

I laid in the dark since 3 am listening to the storm’s prelude. At 6:30, the alarm went off. I snapped on the light. My blurry vision caught their dark silhouettes pressed against the wall. “What the hell is that?” I asked, fumbling for my glasses without taking my eyes of the shadow that remained beyond my depth of field. My two sentries, a chunky tabby and a scrawny calico, hunkered down at the foot of the bed warily listening to the rustling palms and hibiscus on the other side of window didn’t bother to respond. “Cats,” I whispered. No response. I flung back the floral sheets draped over my legs and went to investigate.

The lungless creatures with black exoskeletons poured into the room, unfazed by my presence towering over them. I shivered in disgust at the tiny creatures relentlessly overrunning the room. Their trails reached out from the electrical outlet like the tentacles of the giant squid from 2000 leagues below the sea.

“Crap,” I said knowing I had no defense or weapons to wage a counter attack against the siege. I needed the lethal mixture of deca-hydrate and sodium tetra-borate and the nearest arsenal was a mile away. Winds chased me across the parking lot; drops of rain spattered at my heels like bullets. I ducked into Walgreens where my quick entrance startled the lone clerk manning the front register.

“May I help you?” she asked.

Without losing my stride I asked, “Bug spray.”

“Aisle five.”

I marched onward and found stockpiles of gas canisters sitting in pretty rows of red, orange, blue and yellow. My choice had a new and improved scent of citrus. $4.49 plus tax—the cost of war.

I raced back to the battlefield, envisioning the worst—a carpet of invaders spreading beyond the bedroom to the bathroom floor, down the hallway and onto the sacred realm of the kitchen cabinets where caches of sugar, honey and chocolate syrup waited for plunder. Instead, I found the troops mobilized across the faux marble window sill. Easy targets, like shooting pigeons off the eaves of the county courthouse.

“Directions. Directions. Read the directions,” I warned as I fumbled with the safety tab that prevented accidental release by foolish consumers before purchase. The innocent needed evacuation. I tempted the felines with food. Once the refugees safely escaped to the kitchen to gorge themselves on rabbit and peas, I barricaded them from the war zone.

I crossed the room shaking the pressurized can to assure a proper mixture of noxious chemicals with the propellant laced with the aromatic scent of Florida fruit trees. The counter attack began with only a plan to ready, aim and fire. A forceful spray spent across the wall and doused the invaders with a sweet, sickly dew. The slaughter was quick and seemed too easy until a gust of wind from the opened window blew the toxic vapor back from the enemy’s line. The scent of orange filled my nostrils. I hacked and exhaled in disgust as I lunged for the open window, slamming the glass pane shut.

I held my fire and surveyed the carnage. The march had ceased. Satisfied the poison reeked havoc on the gathered masses, I took cover in the hallway. In hasty retreated I tripped over the refugees whose curiosity planted them just beyond the war zone—the other side of the door. They scattered like leaves blown in the storm’s wind as I collapsed.

Rain drove through the gray morning and pelted the window. Drops merged together and formed a stream which snaked its way down the streaked glass. The barrage continued as I huddled in the hallway with the refugees. Their uprooting left them without a place to stretch and cleanse themselves after their morning meals. “Cats,” I whispered. Diablo, the tabby, blinked at me while Phoenix, the calico, lifted her nose as if detecting the light drift of citrus. I waited for the gas to dissipate with the same patience of a cat stalking a sparrow as it scratched in the dead leaves under the hibiscus looking for insects.

I felt violated and angered. My morning routine disrupted. The trespassers had crossed the eight inch wide barrier that separated my internal space from the external places I’d relinquished. As I waited in the hallway, my annoyance grew spurring me to punish the enemy. I planned to foil the retreat of any deserters who might escape.

The deluge made me hesitate at the front door. “I can do this later,” I thought. But mission had begun. The downpour pelted my back as I inched my way between the exterior wall and soaked hedges that grew inches away from the building. Water dripped from my elbows and I wondered if I could keep a tight grip on the nozzle. By the time I reached my destination, I spit rain from my lips. Crouched beneath the sill, I inspected the ground for clues of a retreat, yet saw nothing but a pooled puddle of water soaking my feet. I flushed the cracks and crevasses between the vinyl siding and the window casing to assure no enemy left unharmed.

I held the damp towel to my face as I surveyed the killing field. Their armored bodies were stuck to every surface. The saturation instantaneously killed the warriors freezing them in place. The wall looked like a miniature replica of a battle scene staged with storm troopers from Star Wars. I collected the carnage by sweeping the shriveled bodies into a dust pan and disposed the remains by tossing them to the wind out the back door.

The next morning my alarm clock went off at 6:30. First light would soon seep through the Venetian blinds. Phoenix and Diablo curled their warm bodies against my legs content in the morning calm. I peeked over at electrical outlet. “Damn, ants.”