Bread Crumbs

I would have had a few photos, but forgot to put the card back into the camera.

Dad served coffee during the supper and I talked to people about my book. The Trinity United Methodist Church of Wilton served 240 roast beef dinners in two and a half hours. I sold five books. They grossed over $1700 and I grossed $94. On Saturday afternoon I set up my book display in the waiting area for the church supper. Although my average sale is one book an hour and therefore this was a great sale, this really is a hard way to make a living.

Went hiking with a neighbor of my dad’s and she said she would buy five books. This really is an easy way to make a living. Then a neighbor came by on a walk around the block and stopped in to buy a book. Even easier.

Pam, one of my dad's neighbors, and I hiked along a ridge overlooking the Hudson River. The maples were splashed with red, turning colors in the cooler and shorter days. Night time air is crispy with tonight’s predicted low to be in the lower forties. Winter is only two weeks away according to Robin who resides in the north country of New Hampshire. I am going to be here. Headed south in the RV is beginning to sound good if for no other reason than to head south to warmer temperatures.

On Thursday I will have a presentation at the Higher Grounds in the Saratoga Public Library. To promote this event Dad and I hit the farmers market of Saratoga Springs, littering cars with the flyers announcing my presentation. After the church supper we hit the parking lot at the library, tapping the people who attended Al Gore’s follow up forum on global warming. I’ll scatter my flyers around the neighborhood and hit the market again on Wednesday. When it is all said and done, I’ll have distributed 700 flyers. Maybe seven people will show up and three might buy the book. Back to the tough way of making a living.

I have slowly begun to clean up with kitchen. For years mom has been incapable of doing much beyond the dishes. Unable to bend down without losing balance and too weak to lift much weight she lost track of what was in the cabinets. It does puzzle me however as to what she was using all the bread crumbs for. I have found seven partially open packages and as many boxes of stuffing bread crumbs. I can only laugh to think maybe mom was using them to find her way home.

On my morning runs I find it hard to complete my four miles circuit without thinking of mom. It is my pure alone time. The thoughts stir up emotions of joy and sorrow. Conversations with My Lord regarding my mom do the same. There are times I am gasping for air as I choke on the pain that tries to escape me. Other times the run is easy knowing that I am because of my mom and her spirit lives within me. I am capable of running, praise the Lord, so I will run still free in my body, not trapped as mom was for so many years.

But I can not escape the feeling of how final her death is. It is not as if I went on a thirty day trip to Nepal, or a two year experience with Peace Corps, or a month long sail across the ocean. I always came back, mom. I always came back. I wish you could.