The Lack of Technical Support from DELL

Okay, you'll never read this, so I highlighted the stupid stuff.

Now you get to Dell's tech support by putting in the your computer's service tag number. That identifies the computer and all its great operating systems. So, how did I get the wrong department is my first question.

01/30/2011 11:13:36PM Session Started with Agent (CEBg_Johan_223495)
01/30/2011 11:13:48PM Agent (CEBg_Johan_223495): "Thank you for contacting Dell Chat for Optiplex and Latitude Systems under the Corporate and Business Group. My name is Jet, how may I help you today?"
01/30/2011 11:15:24PM Agent (CEBg_Johan_223495): "Hello Valerie"
01/30/2011 11:15:28PM Agent (CEBg_Johan_223495): "Please give me two minutes to pull-up your account and update if necessary before we get started. Would that be okay with you?"
01/30/2011 11:16:08PM valerie perez: "yes"
01/30/2011 11:16:13PM Agent (CEBg_Johan_223495): "Thanks"
01/30/2011 11:19:08PM Agent (CEBg_Johan_223495): "Thank you for waiting. To verify, this is for an Inspiron 710M? I'm sorry you've been routed to the wrong department. We handle Optiplex and Latitude systems, Let me transfer you to the correct department"
01/30/2011 11:19:43PM valerie perez: "Oh, okay"
01/30/2011 11:20:15PM Session Transferred to Queue (US.SMB.TS.CORE.Inspiron)
01/30/2011 11:20:20PM Session Started with Agent (CLKsmb_Mark_Lester_224433)
01/30/2011 11:20:43PM Agent (CLKsmb_Mark_Lester_224433): "Thank you for contacting Dell Small and Medium Business Hardware Support. My name is Mark. How may I help you today?"
01/30/2011 11:21:08PM valerie perez: "Hi"
01/30/2011 11:21:22PM Agent (CLKsmb_Mark_Lester_224433): "Hello Valerie."
01/30/2011 11:21:31PM valerie perez: "I've just set up wireless router and now my computer's network connections - the wireless network connection - doesn't work. It is disabled at the moment and when I try to enable, it says connection failed. It won't even pop up a menu to let me chose which wireless connection to connect to. Therefore, the router is useless. Talked to Netgear and after some crap diagnostics, which I had already done, they sent me off to download new driver for wireless. I found them at dell support. I assumed I downloaded
and installed, but I think maybe not. There were 9 of them listed under network. And it still doesn’t work.

So my question is how do I get the wireless network connections working again? (Simple question with a simple answer)
01/30/2011 11:22:21PM Agent (CLKsmb_Mark_Lester_224433): "Thanks for sharing me that issue."
01/30/2011 11:22:34PM Agent (CLKsmb_Mark_Lester_224433): "Kindly please give me 2 - 3 minutes to pull out your records. Thanks!"
01/30/2011 11:22:50PM valerie perez: "You guys are so polite"
01/30/2011 11:24:27PM Agent (CLKsmb_Mark_Lester_224433): "Thanks for waiting Valerie."
01/30/2011 11:24:38PM Agent (CLKsmb_Mark_Lester_224433): "I am sorry that, that issue happened to you."
01/30/2011 11:25:02PM Agent (CLKsmb_Mark_Lester_224433): "Can you confirm the system that you would like to have support with is Inspiron 710 with Service Tag:1T8BT91 ?"
01/30/2011 11:25:18PM valerie perez: "that is correct"
01/30/2011 11:25:40PM Agent (CLKsmb_Mark_Lester_224433): "To give you an update, your Hardware Warranty and Technical Support contract expired last April 19, 2007."
01/30/2011 11:25:55PM Agent (CLKsmb_Mark_Lester_224433): "Unfortunately, you will be required to purchase a one-time incident support fee of $59 for any troubleshooting assistance that you may need."
01/30/2011 11:26:06PM Agent (CLKsmb_Mark_Lester_224433): "However," (Wait for it...)
01/30/2011 11:26:51PM Agent (CLKsmb_Mark_Lester_224433): "You can also have an option to call the Expired Warranty Service."
01/30/2011 11:27:48PM Agent (CLKsmb_Mark_Lester_224433): "Do you want to have the hotline?"
01/30/2011 11:29:17PM valerie perez: "No thanks , I have a friend who works at Apple. I'll ask him to help me first."
01/30/2011 11:29:33PM Agent (CLKsmb_Mark_Lester_224433): "Alright. no problem then." (maybe not for you. But you hardly utilized those tech support skills.)
01/30/2011 11:29:50PM Agent (CLKsmb_Mark_Lester_224433): "Well, you can call Expired Warranty Service for any query :)"
01/30/2011 11:29:53PM valerie perez: "Maybe I'll buy a new Apple. Hell, I'm just asking how to download a driver."
01/30/2011 11:30:31PM Agent (CLKsmb_Mark_Lester_224433): "I apologize for the inconvenience but your warranty has already expires that's why."
01/30/2011 11:30:43PM Agent (CLKsmb_Mark_Lester_224433): "Would there be anything else Valerie?"

The answer to my question was to go to the Device Manager and turn the damn thing back on! Since I don't routinely go digging into my computer I couldn't remember what I needed or where it was. I just knew it was simple.

I hate Dell. I really do.

Scooter er... Motorcyle Registration

A year ago on the same day I witnessed a horrible and deadly motorcycle accident outside my condo, I bought a Honda Metropolitan scooter. The accident punctuated my nervousness on my ride home with no more instruction than how to turn it on and off and get the kick stand up and down. With a whopping 49cc engine that produces lightening fast speed of 35 mph going all out on the flat I can kill myself on it, but statistic show it is more likely someone else will kill me. Like my mother would say you can drown in a teacup of water. That never prevented me from bathing.

To assure I purchased a worthy ride, I took my new-to-me-scooter to the local Honda dealer, Kiser Motorcycles. A good once over and a couple of electrical fixes, (brake and head light bulbs) and they slapped an inspection sticker on the back. For five dollars I registered it with the state, as required for such a vehicle that is regularly passed by those training for Ironman’s bike leg.

Now with my inspection sticker about to expire, I took the scooter to the Honda dealer. There I was told I couldn’t pass inspection because I had not licensed the vehicle and carried no insurance. I leave town for six months and return to a whole new set of rules. Oddly no one can tell me exactly when it happened. The vague response has been sometime last year. (duh!) My scooter apparently grew in might and power during my absence and is now classified as a motorcycle. It doesn’t look like one. It doesn’t ride like one, but it cost like one.

In order to get insurance I had to get a motorcycle endorsement. Oh brother. Thank God I have a Hawaii driver’s license; otherwise, I would have to return to my home state to get the endorsement. After paying $9.00 for an inspection I couldn’t pass, I headed down to the DVM. It was closed because it was Friday and a scheduled furlough day. State budget cuts and all.

I returned on Monday and stood in the long line of those needing to register their cars, get new plates and transfer titles. When it was my turn I stepped forward and told the clerk I needed to get a plate for my scooter. "You mean motorcycle," she informed me. She proceeded to process the new Certificate of Registration. I had $38 in my pocket and assumed that would be a sufficient amount. After much number crunching and referral to several manuals, she said pushed her glasses up on her nose and said, "$56.86." I almost blurted out, “For a scooter?” Instead I had to embarrassingly admit I was short on funds. She let me run off to the bank and return directly to her window without waiting in line. (Okay, that was the good part.)

Next stop was Ace Hardware to get a pair of nuts and bolts to secure my $56.86 plate to the "motorcycle". $2.43. I got those that require a wrench, since me and two other guys are the only people on the island in compliance. I don’t want anyone stealing this piece of tin.

I ran around town trying to find a Motorcycle manual so I could study the rules of the road and other necessary information I needed to know to pass the written test. After I passed the test I could get a temporary learner's permit to ride a "motorcycle" I have had for a year. I went to Hawaii’s need-anything-get-it-at-Long’s drug store, but they didn’t have it. I couldn’t find it anywhere. I even went to Border’s. There a young girl gave me the web address for the manual. The URL was bigger than my "motorcycle".

I had no ink in my printer so I made a stop at Office Max to get a new cartridge. A $17.00 pop to my plastic. With manual in hand and a yellow highlighter, I went through it until I was blind with boredom. It was all about motorcycles! Shifting and swerving and braking and passengers and drinking….None of the stuff that applied to me and my "motorcycle". Nevertheless, I absorbed the information just long enough to regurgitate it for the 25 question test. I aced it, which is far more than I could say I scored when I got my Hawaii driver's license. This cost me $11.00. I was issued a temporary license good for one year. I got to say, this is my second license issued by the state and both photos are great, making me look far younger than I am.

I contacted the insurance company I use to cover my condo, but since I don’t have a car, they would not insure me. My choice was the gecko or that high-pitched voiced lady in the white apron. I went with Progressive only because I was on their website last. Either way, the choices were 100 bucks.

Now I must return to the Honda dealer to pass my inspection. Then the road test conducted behind the community pool. However, the DVM is moving to the new civic center this month so they are not scheduling any more exams until after the move.

Total unexpected damage is $198.29 and a lot of running around on the “illegal” scooter. To add to the financial woes of my transportation issues, my bike’s front wheel needed to be replaced. The spokes were breaking under the stress of rust. I also need a new pair of Tevas.

The State Department

I want to take a moment to lament the fact that I didn't asked to be born. That is a rather stupid thing to say. I sound like a teenager, angry at mom or dad or in this new age, parent number one or parent number two. Nevertheless, when life dishes out the hard stuff and dumps a load of crap on you, particularly when you're not in charge of making the rules, it is easy to blurt out something that has little relevancy to the issue. In this case, a teen thinks it would be better not to have sucked in one deep gulp of air. What doesn’t occur to the irked kid is that not one soul on earth was ever asked. None of us got that choice.

Biologically, to the best of my knowledge, it takes two individuals from both sexes to produce a child. At least, in most of the world outside Jurassic Park. With few exceptions, we don’t get to select who our parents are. So it would be just as insane to say, "I didn’t pick you as my father, or mother, or parent number one or parent number two."

Now if you are following along, you’ll ask, “What’s the deal with this parent number one and parent number two business?”

The State Department is now giving you a chance to identify your parents on gender neutralize passport application forms. The change is made to recognize the different types of families. Instead of identifying a mother and a father you can now identify your parents as parent number one and parent number two.

This is awesome. I can now regrow my whole family tree. Who needs an old Mexican immigrant anyway? (No offense Dad.) As parent number one I chose Bill Gates, the wealthiest man alive. It is such a no brainer. It doesn’t matter that the guy is a year younger than I am. Now, I won’t have to run around in my 1989 Jeep Cherokee with 345,000 miles on it. I could buy a new one, but honestly, I’d like to fully restore it. You see, I won’t abuse this opportunity.

My dilemma is the choice of parent number two. Who needs two parents when the first can provide for all my wildest needs? Er, make that wants. Money can buy everything in this case. But I don’t want to leave any blanks when I fill out my application forms. The State Department might interpret this as an incomplete submission, and this could delay issuing my new passport. I’m obligated to pick another parent. A tough choice.

Since my parent number one, God love 'em, is a liberal, I feel compelled to create a fair and balanced environment to promote my well-rounded development. So I got to go with Glenn Beck. He too is younger than I am, but again makes no matter. And certainly the fact that my choices are both men... I'm just not sure I want him reading bed time stories to me every night.

But to give myself a chance at a good upbringing I wish the State Department would add parent number three. I’d go with someone a older, maybe my father! I’m just saying, it takes a village.

I’m still working on my new name.