Going Nuts

My plan to become the Johnnie Appleseed of the butter nut trees isn't going to happen. A few weeks before leaving for Hawaii I put a dozen in the refrigerator. In order to germinate the nut it must be kept moist and needs to go through a dormant state for about ninety days. After three months I'd plant the seeds in the basement, a cool environment simulating spring. Hopefully, by the time warmer temperatures rolled through the northeast I’d have a couple trees on their way to a healthy life in western New York and New Hampshire.

A jar of Alfredo sauce, a carton of cottage cheese and a few other items were also in the refrigerator. Dad didn’t eat these things so imagine the growth of green stuff when I returned last week. Of course I tossed them out.

A large family size package of Eggos occupied the bottom shelf. Apparently Dad started eating Eggos when he visited Mike in Colorado. He discovered that with syrup and whip cream they make a sweat tasty breakfast, a substitute for his cereal and cookies. The package replaced the nuts which were in a sealed plastic bag.

“Where are the butter nuts?”

“They were getting moldy so I put them outside.”

“Where?”

“Out by the shed. See the black bucket?” I looked out the kitchen window. A chipmunk scampered across the yard.

“When did you do that?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why? Why would you throw out my nuts? You leave moldy food in the refrigerator.” I suspected he needed a big empty spot for that family size Eggo package.

I went outside (and it was butt ass cold) there were no nuts in the bucket. What do you expect when you drop a dozen nuts in a place where there are enough squirrels to outfit every member of the Tsar’s family in furry underwear.