Going to Hell

I haven't been writing much. Lazy and distracted.

On Black Friday, I worked for Macy's. My assignment: operate the frieght elevator. I got pretty excited about that, because other assignments for the eight person crew involved being out on the floor with customers. Yikes. The job was fun, but hardly a full eight hour job, so I occupied my time with hanging empty clothes hangers (a whole wall of them), sweeping the floor, breaking down boxes and smashing them in the compactor and running packages to "Will Call". At the end of the day I folded sweaters in the Men's Department and helped a gentleman decide on the proper size of a black leather jacket for himself. Oh, my MBA!!

The experience of running the elevator brought a story to mind. Here it is. I hope you enjoy it.

Going to Hell by Valerie Perez, Author of the Last Voyage of the Cosmic Muffin.

With high school behind me and no concrete plans ahead, I applied for a job at the old Brennan Hotel on South Broadway, the last kosher hotel in Saratoga Springs. Raised Baptist, I knew little about Jewish laws and traditions other than the two kids who vied for valedictorian in my graduating class were Jewish and they generally missed a day or two from school in September for something called Yom Kippur. My official title was bellhop, an unusual career selection for a young woman even if it was the summer of 1972. My duties included the operations of a vertical transport system.

The museum piece elevator traveled between three floors and the basement, where, “You have no need to go,” the equally ancient hotel owner informed me on my first day. Operations were simple. After closing the door and rusty accordion gate across the threshold I engaged the handle on a small pedestal to the left of the entrance. The handle served as the throttle, but required an operator to be sufficiently skilled to compensate for Newton’s Laws of gravity and motion. Going up with several passengers required more energy and the elevator’s glide diminished. Coming down, just the opposite.

To achieve the proper flush position, I assessed the weight of my load, and estimated the power needed to come as close to the floor as possible without jogging the car into place. Before opening the door, I directed the passengers to watch their step.

“Whatever you do, don’t bounce the guests,” the owner advised. He occasional rode the elevator, testing my skills and critiquing the three inch step I usually left. “Our guests are old. They can’t see the step.” He said shaking his head at the rookie operator.

One of the seasonal hotel guests, Mrs. Shapiro usually sat on the front porch in the evenings to watch traffic parade down Broadway. She’d ask me to fetch a cup of tea with cream. For this and a few extra errands I ran for her, she tipped me a quarter at the end of each week.

The first time she asked, I headed into the kitchen through the swinging double doors. There a cook, who looked like a stewed prune confronted the intruder. She wielded a metal ladle like an independent appendage. “Mrs. Shapiro would like some tea with cream.” I sprouted as I ducked to avoid the flying spoon.

“You shouldn’t be here.” The old woman scolded. She added “And always enter on the right, never the left.” Puzzled, I articulated my best high school graduate, “Huh?”

“The door. The door. Going out, a waiter carrying a large tray of dishes uses the left side. You entered the kitchen on the left. And look through the window. Otherwise, boom.” She cracked the metal spoon against one of the sink basins. I jumped. She pointed to a stool with her spoon and instructed, “Sit. I will prepare the Shapiro woman’s tea.”

The late evening sun streamed through the back stoop door and glistened on the pots that hung from the overhead racks. I wandered into a place I knew nothing about—a kosher kitchen. Stacks and stacks of dishes lined the opposite walls. There was more kitchenware there than found at a Williams-Sonoma store.

No matter what time of day or night I went into the kitchen for Mrs. Shapiro tea and cream, I ran to the cook and sat on my stool while she prepared it. And at the end of every week, Mrs. Shapiro gave me a quarter.

But one night the cook wasn’t there. I prepared the tea. When I came out of the swinging double doors into the dining hall, the owner swooped down on me like a hawk on a field mouse, snatched the tray and asked, “Where did you get the dishes?” Before I answered, he disappeared into the kitchen. Dazed I stood in the middle of the empty hall watching the doors slowly rock back and forth on their hinges.

The elevator bell summoned me back to duty.

I motored to a perfect landing on the third floor. Mr. Shapiro, teetered on the heels of his wing tips, a wrinkled little man with three wisps of hair glued to his Charlie Brown head with a few too many shakes from the Vitalis bottle.

“Your wife is waiting for her tea on the porch,” I informed him with a smile.

He stepped into the elevator. “Do you like the boys?” he asked. As I snapped the gate shut he groped for my breasts. Catching me off guard, he managed a good squeeze before I swiped away his hand. “Have you ever been kissed?” He lunged forward swimming in the stale smell of alcohol. I bucked the elevator down to the second floor and he tumbled to the back wall.

“Keep your hands off me.” I growled, startled by my own deep voice. He was a freaking old man. Older than my father. Hell, he looked older than my grandfather.

I ran the elevator into the basement. Shit. I opened the door anyway and let Mr. Shapiro stumble into the dungeon. The humid smell of stale earth that hadn’t seen day light since 1848 drifted into the cab. Mr. Shapiro froze in the dim shaft of light from the elevator.

Do Jews believe in Hell? I don’t know, but for a moment I thought that’s where I took him. He whirled on his wingtips, tripping back into the elevator. I let him fall. I thrust the lever forward and listened to the motors haul the elevator from the darken depths. I left nearly a foot ledge to the first floor when I opened the gate. “Watch your step,” I warned.

I never told anyone, fearing the repercussions for taking the elevator into the basement. Mrs. Shapiro’s weekly tips became a dollar, and whenever I went into the kitchen I cared less from where I got the dishes.


Bad, bad Karma. I've asked my Lord to forgive me for that one.

Giving Thanks for Many Blessings

I am thankful for many things this Thanksgiving Day.

Ten months in Florida, making new friends and reuniting with old.

Ten months of writing – discovering it comes naturally to some, and others have to work at it. Me? I struggle.

Ten months of swimming and running and kayaking and occasionally pumping up the tires on my bike and going out for a ride and a good lunch afterwards.

Ten months worshipping the Lord at First Christian Church of Tarpon Springs.

I’m thankful that I have a family that gets together for the Holidays, even if I can’t make it home for pumpkin pie and chipotle. Thanksgiving once was all about New Jersey and Grandparents. This year it is about New Jersey and Cousins.

I’m thankful for Dad’s health, his doctors and my brothers and sisters who provide support and love for each other.

I’m thankful for being debt free.

I’m thankful for God giving me to Phoenix and Diablo. That’s what I tell them all the time.

I’m thankful David keeps asking me to come back to Design Management, and for my $8.00 an hour part time job that nets me a buck fifty after I pay for gas and taxes and a latte.

I am thankful for my brains, my opportunities and my life, because I can go to Hawaii and consider buying a condo with left over change for the latte.

I’m thankful for all the blessings God has given me and my family.

Old Dream, New Look

Twenty years ago I had a dream. The images and the emotions I felt during that dream lingered long after I woke. They were too powerful to forget.

I had been flying. The plane was about to crash. It banked sharply to the right and then plummeted out of the sky. My stomach became light, as if I had been riding a Ferris Wheel. The momentum of “over the top” quickly replaced by the abrupt decent. A brief moment of weightlessness, vanished because on this ride there wasn’t any thrill. When I woke I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, surprised by my reaction to my own death. I hadn’t scared.

Instead anger gripped me harder than my clenched hands on the back of the seat in front of me. During the dream, I imagined my father. He would be deeply upset when told I had died. Knowing how hurt he would be made me mad.

Even though it was a dream, I always wondered why I reacted that way, unconcerned about my death, instead anticipating the grief my father would feel. I hated hurting him like that.

Last week, after learning the news about my father’s prostate cancer, I was shocked, angered and saddened by the news – the inevitability that my father, who is eighty-four, is going to die one day came too close, became too real. The emotions I experienced kept me awake. I thought of the dream.

However, I had a new perspective. Instead of thinking about my father’s reaction, I saw my Heavenly Father’s reaction to the news of my death. He would have been sad too for at the time I had not surrendered my life to Him. In this new interpretation, I didn’t want Him to be upset.

I smiled. For He won’t be.

I did a lot of praying last week and asked others to do the same for my Dad. A few days later, after more tests, I learned the good news that the cancer had not spread.

Veteran’s Day

Shake the hand of one who served and thank the veteran for serving.

Unbalanced

Out of sync all day. The day started too early. I didn’t run like usual. Instead a vacuumed up the cat hair. Will they ever stop shedding?

When I started writing, I pushed description, forced dialogue. It wasn’t working, so I put Diablo on the leash and took her for a walk. Cat on leash. Something ain’t right about that.

Sunny but cold. Too cold. Was it the drop in temperatures or was it me? Florida isn’t suppose to be this cold is it. I waited until 8:30 for an eight o’clock phone call.

“Coming down with a sore throat, too windy and cold to go kayaking. I’m going to go do laundry. Maybe in a couple of hours, after it warms up.”

Whimp. I could have gone to work this morning and made $20 bucks.

I went back to writing, looking for a motive and a dialogue to push the story ahead. Better?

By noon I felt like I had been writing forever. Let’s go swim a few laps. Heated pool, sunny. Every stroke exposed my arms to the cold. For crying out loud, what am I doing? Out after thirty laps. And getting out of the pool! Freezing. Now who is the whimp? (By the way it is 72 degrees.)

Its 2 pm. My schedule way off. Usually I’m heading home, fixing something to eat and watching Neal Cavuto on Fox at 4 PM, that is if I don’t fall asleep. Instead, I went to the chiropractor, slipped past the tree trimming crew who cornered me the other day in long discussions about my Jeep and kayak. Aren’t you guys suppose to be working?

The entire day was off. Sail club meeting at 7PM. Why am I thinking about joining? I might be here just another three months. Besides, this is the coldest time of year to be out in the Gulf learning about tacking, jibing and all that other nautical stuff I supposedly never learned when I sailed across the Pacific.

I went anyway. Reminded that sailors are sailors. Hesitated at joining, but like all guests I stood up and introduced myself and gave a brief synopsis about my sailing experiences. “Jumped on a 40 foot boat, no sailing experience, sailed 46 days across the Pacific…. Wrote a book about it. Last Voyage of the Cosmic Muffin. Buy it and read it if you want to know the rest of the story.” Chuckles around the room.

At the meeting, guess speaker Mark Epstein, Community Advisor for the Florida Suncoast Hospice. I picked through literature left in the back of the room. Phone ran. Too early for Dad, but that was the way my day was going. I was talking to someone, so I ignored it. A few minutes later I excused myself. Checked message. My aunt from Hawaii.

I called Dad first as it was almost 9 PM, reasoned if I called Aunt Clara, I’ll be on the phone when Dad calls at the usual time.

“Radiologist read bone scan and X-ray. Cancer has not spread beyond prostate.” I begin to cry with joy...unbalanced. New plan.

Options

Doctors don't give options. God does. He always has.

Tonight, before I go to bed I want you to know that your prayers have been greatly appreciated. They have meant so very much. I've got a story, but I'm afraid I couldn't do it justice at this late hour. Know this. He answers prayers and you never know when you might find yourself standing moments away from a miracle. Never quit, for the Lord doesn't.

Tomorrow.

Begin Here

Today is the day that begins the rest of your life. A simple statement that rings truer on some days more than others.

My father, accompanied by my older brother Mike and my two sisters, Robin and Jennifer, sat with Doctor Maddox to discuss the results of his bone scan. The test was done last week after a biopsy showed Dad had prostate cancer.

Cancer, that word that stabs fear into the hearts of those who have sat across the desk from their doctors dressed in white lab coats to present the diagnoses to their patients. We fear cancer more than God.

Dr. Maddox call Dad on Saturday while I was in New Hampshire making mwarmwars for Jerry and Jess. Aggressive. Could be in the bones. "It's news. What are you going to do?" Dad said.

2 PM. I was in the pool. Do one lap. Breathe. Four strokes and breath again. Do sixty more laps. He braced for the results; I held my breath. The cancer is found in the bones – pelvis and perhaps the ribs, but that could be a war wound or arthritis. Tomorrow an X-ray. Treatment: Nothing or hormones. Exhale.

I had twenty six cents and rock in my pocket when Robin told me the news. I watched the fiery sun fall into the Gulf and missed sailing.

Options. Options. We all want options. At eighty four, you don’t get too many. And doctors don’t make too many promises either.

Colts verses Patriots

The cooler weather brings the friskiness out in the felines. Diablo flew over my head the other night on her serpentine route to the lanai where an egret lurked beyond the screened enclosure. I believe I felt the brush of her soft underbelly against my nose, but I was too distracted by the claw marks left in my knee.

In church this morning before we set off for another week of clean Christian living, the pastor, offered up a prayer of victory for the Colts in today’s game against the also unbeaten Patriots. If I heard that prayer last weekend while in New England, someone would have died.

All in A Week

Noel hopefully ends the hurricane season in the Atlantic, but it is about to unleash a NorthEast’er on New England. Grab your trees. The leaves in Edgewood Cemetary, Hudson, NH were peaked last weekend. If they haven't fallen, there could be some serious uprooting.

Back in Tarpon Springs...our first fall weather. I noticed a pile of water oak acorns squished by car tires in the parking lot. Humidity dropped as the winds have been coming straight from the north all week. This was why Noel kept off the Florida’s East Coast and earlier out of the Gulf. Diablo went under cover and the hot water is back on in the shower. Blue sky, sunny, pleasant temps aren't the only thing that arrived on the north wind. Snow birds have returned, packing the shopping malls, roads, swimming pools and restaurants for the early bird specials. I ask myself, "Why not stay?"

Ah Florida: Flat, flat Florida. The land of retirement communities, mobile home parks, minimum wage jobs and a stupid property tax structure which the state is desperately trying to reform as the price of real estate drops further than the belly of a pregnant sow. (I was going to use the dog word, but decided that was too easy.) It’s why I’m not buying.

Yet, I have found a few good friends, writing buddies, a church.

While I am considering plans and checking out options for the upcoming year or two, at fifty three you would think I’d know life doesn’t always go as planned. What's that line? Life is what happens to you when you're making plans? Is that from the Beatles or the Stones?

Actually, that is okay. It is part of the fun, the adventure, the experience. I accept I am not in control. However, I have a powerful arsenal for adaptation and acceptance once I get past the shock, the anger, the fear and apathy.

There are still twenty seven more days to the hurricane season.

If this was too cryptic...wait.

By The Way

Malinda, Christy and I won the dance contest. And the unofficial two time winner of the Toss-the-Eyeball contest was none other than me. This can be clearly seen on the instant replay.

Jess and Jerry Primo

It was a Halloween Theme
The couple before marriage on Friday nite.
Bride and Groom
Rocker and She Devil
Mom and Dad

Road Trip

Two cars, four friends (Malinda, Christy, Nancy and I) and five wrong turns later we made it to the hotel. The directions said one thing, road signs said something else (if they could be found)and between the four of us, it didn’t feel like we were headed south toward Nashua. Friday night, rush hour and the sun setting.

Suddenly, I felt directionally challenged, an experience that would plague five former Peace Corps volunteers throughout the entire weekend. No wonder the Peace Corps decided to put us on small islands in the Pacific.

On Saturday morning,sitting around the breakfast table, we decided traditional island mwarmwars were in order. After all, the groom is from the Federated States of Micronesia and we wanted him to honor him with a traditional head lei, and neck leis. But New England is short on coconut trees and tropical flowers, but this time of year it is rich in golden and red maple leaves and brilliant mums of many colors.

Brainstorming on a rainy fall morning some thought it was best not to raid the gardens surrounding the Marriott Courtyard (I was game). Instead, Malinda commanded the car and we headed out to find a Target. We needed plastic shipping bands from the back of the warehouse, to serve as the base for the mwarmwar (think mar-mar).
I convince Paul, a floor associate, to talk the store manager into giving us the warehouse trash. After a brief wait Paul retrieved fifteen feet of stripping from an overhead shelf in the warehouse. I had spotted it when Nancy and I were casually strolling through the tombs of Target like we owned the place. A quick stop at the florist and we were in business. Back at the hotel we constructed the head garlands while we commandeered the business center usually occupied by business and road warriors. You know, those guys who are as cool as the other side of the pillow. Later Nancy convinced the hotel staff to keep the flowers fresh in the kitchen’s refrigerator.
By then we had about thirty minutes before we needed to get in costume for the wedding. Not wanting to miss out on any of the hotel amenities, the five of us – Christy, Malinda, Amy, Nancy and I donned out bathing suits and hit the whirlpool. Unfortunately, my camera batteries were recharging-no photos. Nothing better than to bring old bones to a boil in the bubbling froth of jet streams while enjoying good company. Outside it was still raining.

Weeks ago Amy asked me if I would paint her for the party. Not having a better offer all year, I said yes, not knowing what body parts I might be applying brush tips to. Results were great, but her Trinidad Bound outfit will need a zipper repair.

So what was I? A Mardi Gras something or other. I was accused of being a pimp. Check out the 70's hat with cheetah print. Heck the costume was free compliments of Frank, Nancy’s son-in-law. Although the outfit was a little large and dancing required a constant readjustment to keep gravity from yanking my britches to the floor, I loved it.



Before, during and after. Completely sober.

Peace Corps - Micronesia 70 and 71

Once the flight attendant announced that in case the plane turned into a cruise ship and the life vests were under the seat, passengers decided it was a good idea to applaud the landing. My plane arrived on time in Manchester, New Hampshire. Actually five minutes early. Hurray for SouthWest Airline. I removed my seatbelt and moved freely about the airport for two hours waiting on Christy.

It’s going to be a great weekend visiting with Peace Corps friends. The occasion: Jess and Jerry’s wedding. Stay tuned

Photo Log

Jack Attack

I’m not a fisherman and can't tell the difference between a tuna and a chicken except by the label on the can. Ok, I’m not really that inept.

Let me introduce the lesser amberjack- olive green or brownish black and silver sides; dark band (variably present) extends upward from eye; juveniles have split or wavy bars on sides; proportionately larger eye and deeper body than greater amberjack. Affectionately known as “jacks” a lightening fast fish is known for a low leap out of the water in large schools. While kayaking I’ve startled many schools of jack. Or maybe they have startled me. It is pretty awesome to see them crowd out of the water.

This afternoon Chuck, Bob and I were kayaking the Anclote River. Low tide pushed us down the river toward the Gulf. Ahead of us, I saw a large school of jacks fly out of the water. They looked like gazelles sprinting across the Serengeti. In low arches the fish crossed the surface of the water, repeating the jump several times before disappearing beneath the water.

As we approached the spot where they had been we were talking. I had forgotten about the fish when Bob’s kayak caused the fish to jump out the water. The stampede began. They crossed in front of Chuck’s kayak, but they were on a crash course for my boat.

When in the thick of things, you sometimes miss the appreciation for what happens. All at once I was in the middle of a wall of fish leaping over the bow of my kayak and slamming into the side of the hull right below my paddle. They beat on the hull like a drum. Thump followed thump as the fish followed the leader like lemmings over a cliff. I raised my paddle expecting to get hit in the ribs by the flying fish. It was like being in an avalanche.

As suddenly as it happened, it was over. I inspected my boat amazed I wasn’t hit and that I had no flopping fish in the cockpit. Nor did I find any scales stuck to the bow, but there were several brown streaks left behind. No it didn’t belong to me.

Mary

Mary left a week ago on Saturday. She sold the double bed where she slept with her husband before he died. After she gave the bulk of her household goods to Goodwill, it took only boxes to pack her belongings into the back seat of her Toyota Camry. I gave her two books on tape to listen to on the drive through the Carolinas and the Middle Atlantic States. She was headed home to live with her sister in Rhodes Island. Just outside of Providence. Everything in Rhodes Island is just outside of Providence.

I said good-bye to her after church. We were pew mates, if there is such a thing. She reserved our seats with her Bible and a cup of coffee tucked under the pew while she served as a greeter. I wished her well. How did that get started?

And even though we exchanged email addresses, I know we won’t keep in contact. I don’t keep in contact with those who are closer to me, why would I email someone who I have known only on Sundays for the past five or six months? That’s the way it is.

Oddly, I’ve missed her. I pray she is well. Do we all end up going home?

Journal

If I was still in the Peace Corps, those of you who use to get the Journal would get a field entry sounding something like this.

Last night, I went to the theater to see Twelve Angry Men. Very enjoyable. I've seen the movie a couple of times and it is one of my favorites. John Boy Walton (Richard Thomas) played Juror #8, Fonda's role. Went with Russ, Master Electrican, who has worked for the government for the last 30 years. Currently he is learning Ballroom dancing. After the show, he walked me to my car. Kissed me goodnight. Since it was 9:45 on a Friday night and I found myself in Tampa, I hustled back across the Bay to a Mexican restaurant where Robert was finishing up his guitar gig. I bummed a 1/2 eaten burrito off of some woman, who had it in a to-go box. Her name PZ, never met her before. I loaded it with hot salsa and washed it down with a bummed margarita. Got kissed good night again, just before midnight.

Kissed goodnight by two guys on the same night. Don't think that ever happened before.

What is it?

Contest: Guess what this is a photo of?

Daytona - Part 1

If you found it impossible to schedule an MRI this past week, the reason might have been that the Who’s Who of Imagining Techs were in Daytona, Florida upgrading their certifications, know how and driving skills at the International Speedway. I couldn’t help but think of Dale Earnhardt as I drove past the famous raceway. I’m not a huge auto racing fan. Nevertheless, I can tell you where I was when I heard the news that Number 3 went into the wall.


I’m not an MRI tech either, but Robin is and she had been in Daytona since Sunday. Conference over on Wednesday at noon, I drove to the east coast and found the streets empty. If this was a town out west, sagebrush would have tumbled down the middle of Main Street. Life guards were all but sleep in their chairs as they watch a handful of tourist frolic in the warm waters of the Atlantic. God, how I miss the ocean.

I took a scenic route over on State Highway 50, cutting through the heart of Florida. Once I got to Clermont I thought I died and went to Heaven. As much as I love the oceans, I love the mountains and Florida doesn’t have any. In Clermont the earth rose to a staggering height so much so I could see the skyline of Orlando in the distance. I bet you can see Disney’s nightly fireworks in the town.

The highest place in Florida is — Britton Hill in Lakewood in Walton County, located in the Panhandle — is a mere 345 feet. Of the highest points in the 50 states, it is the lowest.

Robin tried to sneak up on me as I waited for her in the lobby of the Hilton. Nice hotel, of course, but subject to the city’s ability to maintain their water supply systems. Reminded of the fancy hotels I stayed at in Bangkok and Singapore where the water wasn’t potable. In the morning a notice had been slid under the door that the water wasn’t safe to drink. Suddenly, the $3.00 bottles of water staged in the rooms were complimentary! It was Aquafina. Where do you think that comes from? The tap.

Some things we did:

Walked on the beach and Robin got blisters. Stopped in at Starbuck’s for coffee and to ice the feet down. Then took off for the Ponce Inlet Light Station Got there right at closing, but we managed to buy a couple of t-shirts. Buy now, we were famished. Thought we would eat some fish, but not the one we found floating in the drink. Instead, we went to Aunt Catfish's. I had garlic scallops. Robin had shrimp, salmon and Dijon scallops. .

We debated the weight of the catfish and decided that if this fish did weight 435 pounds,
catfish could feed a lot of starving people. World hungry demolished. Maybe we had too many margaritas.

Cool beanereno, Jen. We were thinking of you.

To Serve

He said, “Let’s pray about it.”

I wondered if I held my flinch. I know I flinched on the inside. Praying is not one of my talents. Yes, I pray. I start conversations with God all the time. Before I go to sleep, I read the Bible and remember certain people in my prayers. Say thanks and praise God for all my blessings and fortune. I think of at least one event or thought of the day were I connected with God. Write it down.

But when Hal suggested we pray about conducting a Financial Peace University class at the church I flinched. I went to the 9:30 service thinking, “If I wanted to pray about something, I’d pray for something I want.” Like a pony.

Of course, I volunteered to teach the class. Worked up the nerve to do so. Or maybe had enough “conversations” with God about it. Got hit in the head with a few messages from the pulpit. Decided I could give to the church this way.

Now I have to pray about it. Guess, that was what I had been doing all along, so I wondered why we had to pray some more.

Wait.