Home Ownership

It is a rewarding experience, or it can come with a price tag separate and above the purchase price. It comes with its highs and it can come with the lows. There is exhilaration in making home improvements, but routine upkeep and maintenance can be tedious and offers little satisfaction beyond a job well done, especially when a repair was a result of poor workmanship in the first place.

Don’t know whose error I repaired today, but it caused me to add another tool to my ever increasing box of tools. I am feeling like Felix the Cat.

Felix the Cat, the wonderful, wonderful cat
Whenever he gets in a fix, he reaches into his bag of tricks

Another trip to Home Depot to get a plumber’s wrench and a “thing-a-ma-jig” to repair the mount for the kitchen sprayer. It’s called a kitchen spray hose guide, and I know you know exactly what that is. The spray gun sits in the guide’s cradle and that is held in place with a plastic threaded stem and something you turn onto the stem, which is like a bolt, but also made out of plastic. My lack of plumbing lingo usually causes me to dismantle the stuff under the sink and take it to the hardware store. With stuff in hand I do a little show and tell. The guys then figure out what I need.

This morning I didn’t do that. Bruce dressed in his fade orange bib and slinging a tool belt that would leave most chiropractors drooling must have seen my puzzled look as I gleaned the display of plumbing supplies in aisle 34. He took me right to the spare parts rack two aisles over and showed me three options.

“You have a choice between white, silver or brushed nickel.” he said.

“Brushed nickel." I sighed knowing the end attached to the spray gun wasn’t going to make it through the guide. "I suppose I’ll need a plumber's wrench.”

“Yep, unless it is a shallow sink and the water connection is not that far up in there. Then any wrench will clear.”

“No, it’s a deep sink and it’s way up in there. About as far back and inaccessible as a whale’s molar.” I replied. Where the heck did that come from? Must be a spurt of creative writing. Bad creative, writing.

Bruce escorted me to where the plumbing tools hung. Only one to choose. $12.95. “Are you the plumber of the house?” he asked.

“Afraid so. I own one of these back home in Tennessee.” softly tapping the handle in the palm of my handing and feeling more like a beat cop than a "head of household, single, middle aged house frau." I tried to draw my Tennessee out while not chuckling about the fact Hawaii is my home. I stared at the tool. I own three power drills. Why not two plumber’s wrenches? Geez. I got to get a job.

I bought my first plumber's wrench when I remodeled the kitchen in one of my apartments. The head was impossible to pivot. Frustrated beyond reason, I marched back to Lowe’s and demanded the customer service person turn it on the right angle. Of course, he did so as easy as flicking a cap off a beer bottle at a University of Tennessee tailgate party. He handed it back to me with that "What's the problem?" look, the little shit. I almost cried on the way home.

Two aggravating things about home repairs – not having the vocabulary to speak semi-intelligently about the project and being weak. One I can work on, but am inclined not to bother. The other-hopelessly in need of Wheatie.

Returning home, I sighed again and then wedged my body underneath the kitchen sink. I fixed that which should never have needed fixing. Some bruiser turned the plastic stem so tight the neck broke off. The cheesy attempt to fix the problem with some sort of putty, left the sprayer dangling in the sink and putty oozing everywhere.

The simple job took about an hour, slowed down by the tight maneuvering required. Not so much under the sink, but up in the holes bored for the water hoses. I concluded a woman had to have installed the sink for no man on earth would have fingers that small to get up in those holes. It took some finagling to get the head of the wrench in position and my hand barely cleared the hole. I thought I'd never get the nut on the water line reattached and wondered what the price of a plumber would be when I finally got the thread started. Knicked a knuckle in the process.

Job done, I thanked the Lord for His help and smiled when the darn thing didn’t leak. Home ownership satisfaction.

By the way, I actual wrote something the other day. Murder scene.

You'll laugh so much your sides will ache
Your heart will go pitter pat
Watching Felix, the wonderful cat.

Thanks to Felix the Cat for comic of the day @ Felixthecat.com