Last Day

“The is nothing more important than today,” read the inscription on the bracelet advertised in the Sky Mall magazine. Most likely true, but if it was so darned important why was I sitting on the tarmac at the Albany airport, delayed just enough to miss the connecting flight in Newark. Waste of time. I tapped my fingers on the Continental in-flight magazine and sighed. The December issue, dog-eared.

Since this was my seventh Continental flight of the month I had thumbed through the same issue enough times to know the exact location of the Suduko and cross word puzzles, the three page spread of the world map and the advertisement for the ten day tour to Costa Rica for $995. I also had read Jules Older's advice on winter travel. The editor in chief for two ski magazines said, “If you miss your connecting flight and the service desk tells you the next confirmed flight to your destination is 48 hours away, don’t panic.” Say what? I’d kill someone if I had to spend two days waiting on a plane in the Newark Airport.

“Lord,” I prayed. “I’ll need a little help being Christ-like in this situation. Like when I manage to get off this plane and I have three minutes to connect and my gate is seven furlongs away.” (I used the horse racing term, because that was what I'd have to do - race.) Christ walked on water, I’d have to float through at time continuum of restricted space reserved for all those baggage handlers dressed in jump suits the same gray color as the Newark skyline.

I felt a writing frenzy coming on - a two day study of the comings and goings at the airport. Maybe a few choice photos of security things I shouldn’t take photos of and someone from TSA might kick me out of the place. The whole incident could end up on Fox News! The thought of this project calmed me down as long as I didn’t think about the fact that my camer and cell phone battery chargers were in my luggage that I’d never see again.

My mind wandered to New Year resolutions. I had already made one. When riding in the back seat of a vehicle I'd use the seat belt. I estimated I’d be in the back seat of a vehicle about sixteen times in 2008, mostly at Christmas in my sister’s Subaru.

By the time I started to get to the more serious resolutions (being more Christ-like), the jet engines flared up and we taxied down the runway. I studied the layout of the Newark Terminals in the back of the magizne. If luck was to be had, I might be able to make the connection.

We arrived nine minutes before departure. I passed two people on the jet way and came to a screeching halt at the gate’s desk where I confirmed my departing gate. No sense running through the airport like OJ, only to arrive at the wrong gate. Mathematically, my departing plane sat eleven gates away, down the corridor, two left turns away. I began to count down. 106, 104, 102…,and around the counter gate 70. Shit. 72...

What began as a brisk walk turned into a trot with hiking boots and weighted down with a small but heavy backpack. Second left just ahead, but a departure monitor sat on the corner. Collected underneath, a gaggle of travelers paid homage - heads up, mouths open, eyes squinting - to the long display. I dodged among them, but my shoulder clipped a bag. I should have said excuse me. Instead I asked for divine intervention. “Don’t let my carelessness ruin their day, Lord.” I quickly moved on.

Two kids were playing on the moving side walk, skipping along against the traffic flow. Don’t hit the kids. Don’t hit the kids became my mantra as I side stepped the annoyance. Head, loomed 90. Then 92. On the right, gate 95. I broke my trot on the last conveyor belt and glided to the gate, pleased that the jet way door was still opened.
“Name,” the agent asked.
Trying not to gasp, I told him my last name. Despite being in good shape, the anxiety of spending 48 hours in my least favorite airport elevated the heart rate to a pace equivalent of a sprinter who just ran the 100 yard dash.
“Any chance I could go to the ladies room first?” I asked.
“We are leaving now.”
"Any chance my bags are going to make this flight?"
“Oh sure,” he replied without so much as a flinch despite the bold-faced lie. I knew the luggage didn’t have a pray. As I walked down the jet way, a caught my breath and pretended to be that ever so important traveler. I whipped out my cell phone to call Bob. “Plane’s on time. I’ll see you in the terminal.”

Whoever was sitting in 29D was not a happy camper. As I causally walked to my seat and mistakenly thought he was in mine, I unfortunately encountered him. He corrected my error with a growl and couldn’t unglue his eyes from the little hinge on the back of the seat that held the tray table in place. I settled in, sitting ahead of him, thirsty and in need of a pit stop.

Upon reaching that undefined place in the air - somewhere after take off and well before the use of portable electronic devices and the captain reaching a comfortable cruising altitude - I gently reclined my seat. The Grump (a man with thick glasses and flat white hair with that haunting yellowish tinge)immediately whacked the back of my seat with enough force to jar my head forward. I smiled. Actually, chuckled a little and said outloud, “Thanks, God.” I got a sideways glance from my seat companion. Surprisingly, I slipped into a calm and waited for the captain to give the permission to move about the cabin.

Ding. The seat belt sign was turned off. To retreat to the bathroom, I raised the aisle arm rest to slip out of the seat. Most people don’t know these things retract. The Grump yelled, yes yelled, “You are crushing my knees in everyway possible.”

He obviously didn’t have my imagination. I saw a rock hammer slam, then cars collide, and an alligator chomp with its vice-like jaws. No, I had hardly crushed his knees in everyway possible. I turned and faced him. What on earth made him so crabby? He was on the same plane that made me so happy? In an equally loud voice, I said, “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” A couple of old ladies' heads turned and that as the end of that.

For the rest of the flight I entertained myself lip-syncing the dialogue to the 1980's Family Ties Christmas show. I had seen it for the fifth time in three weeks.

My luggage missed the connection. I went to bed after I tacked a note on the front door and left a cooler under the porch light.


December 30, 2007

Hey Luggage Delivery Guy,

Thanks so much for my two bags. Please leave them under the stairway by my door.

In the cooler there is a Zero Vanilla Coke. I’ve been away - obviously. It’s the only thing in the refrigerator besides Soy Milk and I didn’t think you would enjoy that. Feel free to accept the refreshment. A little bit of caffeine may help you finish your night.

Be safe and have a great New Year!

Valerie Perez
376 Moorings Cove Drive

Author
The Last Voyage of the Cosmic Muffin

When I woke my bags sat under the stairs and the Coke was gone.

There was nothing more important than yesterday, but I get to have the same great experiences today.

Have a wonder-filled New Year and may you be as blessed as I am.